I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
