I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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