come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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