his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
