someone get that fucking seahorse.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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