I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Randomize
