Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
