yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
