I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
