A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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