This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
