Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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