I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
