i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
