so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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