dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize