His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
