well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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