South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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