Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I met the friendliest cop last night
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
