She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
