doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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