i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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