K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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