Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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