is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
