i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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