Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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