I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
