just tell him i said nine months
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
