I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
