Define "chronic" masturbator.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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