just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
