nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
