a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
