i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Randomize
