but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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