I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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