I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
