Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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