I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
