Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize