It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
