His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
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