The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
