Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
