Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
