oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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