His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
