Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
i out mim tonsoeep
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