it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
