I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
