Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
