would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
