so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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