Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
