remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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