shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize