Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
that is very illegal...i love you.
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