My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
