this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize