he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
