he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
