i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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