So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
