i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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