living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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