Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
