I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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