Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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