he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize