My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I deserve this hangover.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
