you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
