This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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