Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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