I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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